It’s A Dinner Party
And You’re Invited
(if you dare)
VER since the Friars donned their tuxes and
spats for their first extravaganza—honoring
Victor Herbert in
1907—they’ve been planning dinners, luncheons, roasts and toasts to
the envy of all who aren’t allowed to attend.
The Friars first heard their signature song
Here’s To The Friars at the Herbert dinner. He composed the
music and Charles Emerson Cook the words—a song that to this
day baffles the membership. It’s sort of the Friars own
Star
Spangled Banner; they kind of know the tune but damned if they
can remember the words.
The Friars have sharpened their wits with each
passing event yet those early dinners, while entertaining, were
often just as snarky as one would expect from partying Friars.
"His record speaks for itself and, personally, I
wish it had the lockjaw," a speaker noted of theatrical manager
William Harris at his 1910 affair.
Producer
Mike Todd was killed in a plane
crash on the way to his 1958 Friars dinner. His wife,
Elizabeth
Taylor, was home with a cold. Seeing as the hotel was reserved,
the invitations mailed, and the journal printed, the Friars made the
best of a bad situation. They held a Friars Frolic with celebrities
such as Red Buttons, Jackie Leonard and
Joey Bishop
taking center stage.
I guess in 1960 the Friars looked at their archives
and realized they hadn’t honored a woman in almost a decade so they
chose squeaky-clean Dinah Shore,
which is ironic considering
the reputation of who was tossing the bash. Forget
Here’s To The
Friars when you’ve got
Ain’t Nothing Like A Dame
Friar-style:
Since the Friars club was founded, we’ve had
many big affairs
for Jack Benny and
Ed Sullivan
and some other dignitares,
Georgie Jessel and
Steve Allen, Jerry
Lewis, Milton Berle.
But now what do we got? We got a girl!
We’re supposed to rap the guest of honor but
we refuse to.
It’s so frustrating when a Friar cannot use
the kind of words he’s used to.
We got nothing but a dame! Dinah gives us no
scope.
If we had Skelton here or Hope, we could say
that they both push dope.
If we just had
Perry Como we could
say that he’s a pig.
We could even spread a rumor Joe E. Lewis
doesn’t drink.
We could louse up
Frank Sinatra by
suggesting he’s a fag,
but now what do we got,
Eddie Fisher
in drag.
Milton Berle was roasted by the Friars in 1953,
1959, 1967 and 1974. He was honored with testimonial dinners
twice—first in 1963 and again in 1985. Either he was the funniest
human to have ever walked the face of the earth or he was
blackmailing the Friars big time.
Jan Murray said of the Berle marathon, "I can’t
tell you how choked up I am to be honoring Milton Berle for the
297th time in my career. Last week I appeared at a snack in his
honor."
The Friars will keep on dishing it out as long as
there are huge egos waiting to be deflated…are you listening –––? I
would name names here but I do have to work with these guys so you
just fill in the blank.
Cover
